★ 第18章 ★
It was evening in the parson's house at Emminster. Mr. and Mrs. Clare were waiting anxiously for Angel's return.
一天晚上，在爱敏斯特的牧师家，克莱尔先生和夫人正焦急地等
待着安吉尔的归来。
'He won't be here yet, my dear,' said old Mr. Clare, as his wife went to the front door for the tenth time.
“亲爱的，他还到不了，”老克莱尔先生说道。他的妻子已经第十次到前门探望了。
'Remember his train doesn't come in till six o'clock, and then he has to ride ten miles on our old horse.'
“记住他的火车直到六点才能抵达，然后他还得骑着咱们那匹老马走上十里路呢!”
'But he used to do it in an hour,' said his wife impatiently. Both knew it was useless to talk about it, and the only thing to do was wait.
“可是，以往他在一个小时内就骑到了，”他的妻子焦躁地说道。两个人都知道谈论是没有用的，唯一能做的就是等待。
When they heard footsteps they rushed outside to meet the shape in the darkness.
他们听到脚步声，急忙冲到了门外，迎接那个黑暗中的身影。
'Oh, my boy, my boy, home at last!' cried Mrs. Clare, who at that moment cared no more
for Angel's lack of religion than for the dust on his clothes.
“哦，我的孩子，我的孩子，终于到家了!”克莱尔夫人叫道。在这个时候，她关切的仅仅是安吉尔身上的尘土，而不会在乎他缺少宗教信仰。
What woman, in fact, however, firm her beliefs, would not sacrifice her religion for her children? Nothing was more important to Mrs. Clare than Angel's happiness.
实际上，哪一个女人，不管她的信仰多么坚定，不会为了她的孩子们牺牲她的信仰?对克莱尔夫人来说，没有任何东西比安吉尔的幸福更重要。
But as soon as they reached the living room, she saw his face clearly in the light of the candles. She gave a cry and turned away in sorrow. 'Oh, it's not the Angel who went away!'
可是当他们进到了起居室，她在烛光映照下端详起他的脸庞时，她不禁惊叫了起来，痛苦地转过头去，“哦，这不是离开时的安吉尔!”
Even his father was shocked to see the change in his son. They would not have recognized him if they had passed him in the street.
甚至他的父亲在看到儿子的变化时也很震惊。如果他们在街道上经过他身旁，他们会认不出他来的，
The cruel climate and hard work had aged him by twenty years. He was like a shadow, thin and bony,
with no spring in his step and no enthusiasm in his eyes.
恶劣的气候和艰苦的劳动让他苍老了二十岁。他瘦骨嶙峋，步伐沉重，目光黯然失神，简直不成人样了。
'I was ill over there,' he said, noticing his parents' concern. He had to sit down, being weak after his journey.
“在那边我一直生病，”注意到父母的忧虑，他说道。旅程之后，他已很虚弱，不得不坐下来了。
'Has any letter come for me?' he asked eagerly. 'The last one…'
“有我的什么信件吗?”他急切地问道，“最近的一封……”
'From your wife?'
“从你妻子那儿来的?”
'Yes. I didn't get it until very recently, as I was traveling. If I had received it earlier, I would have come sooner.'
“是的，我直到最近，当我在旅行的时候才收到。如果我早点儿收到信的话，我会更快赶回来的。”
They gave him a letter that had been waiting for his arrival. Angel read it rapidly. It was Tess'slast letter, short and desperate:
他们给了他一封一直等他回来看的信。安吉尔快速地浏览了信，这是苔丝最近一封信，写得简短、迫切：
Oh, why have you treated me so badly, Angel? I do not deserve it. You are cruel! I intend to forget you. You have been so unfair to me!
啊，安吉尔，你为什么对我这么狠哪?这不是我应受的惩罚，你真是残酷!我要设法忘掉你。你对待我太不公平了!
'It is all quite true!'
cried Angel hopelessly, throwing down the letter. 'Perhaps she will never take me back!'
“说得一点儿不错!”安吉尔绝望地叫道，信掉到了地上，“也许她永远不会再接受我了!”
'Angel, don't worry so much about a country girl,' said his mother, anxious about her son's state of mind.
“安吉尔，不要对一个乡下姑娘过分担心了，”他母亲说道。她对儿子的心理状态非常忧虑。
'You know, I've never told you, but she is actually a descendant of one of the oldest, noblest families in England, a d'Urberville in fact.
“你们知道吗，我从来没有告诉过你们，可是她实际上是英国最古老、最高贵的一个家族的后裔，事实上就是德伯。
And do you know why I left her? How could I be so narrow-minded! I left her because I discovered she was not the pure country girl I thought.
你们知道我为什么会离开她吗?我怎么会这般心胸狭窄!我离开她是因为我发现她并不是我认为的那样，是个纯洁的乡下姑娘。
She had been seduced by a so-called gentleman. But it wasn't her fault. And I Know now that her whole character is honest and faithful. I must get her back!'
她曾被一个所谓的绅士先生诱奸过。可是这不是她的过错。现在我知道了她全部的品质就是诚实和真挚。我必须让她回到我的身边!”
After this outburst Angel went to bed early and thought about the situation.
这一番倾诉之后，安吉尔早早地上了床，他考虑着现在的情形，他在巴西时以为，无论什么时候，只要他宽恕了她，他都可以轻而易举地返回她爱的怀抱。
In Brazil, it had seemed easy to rush straight back into Tess's loving arms whenever he chose to forgive her. However, now he knew she was angry with him for leaving her for so long.
然而，现在他知道因为自己离开她过于长久，她对他愤怒了。他承认她的愤怒是合情合理的。于是，他决定给予她时间来思考他们之间的关系。
He admitted she was right to be angry. So he decided to give her time to think about their relationship, and wrote to her, at Marlott, instead of going to see her. To his surprise, he received in reply a note from her mother.
他没有去看望她，而是给她写了封信，寄往马勒特。意外地，他收到了她母亲回复的一张便条。
Dear Sir，
敬爱的先生，
My daughter is not with me at the moment and I don't know when she'll come back. I will let you know when she does. I cannot tell you where she is staying. We don't live in Marlott anymore. Yours J.Durbey field
我女儿现在没有和我住在一起。我不知道她什么时候能回来。若她回来，我会设法让您得知。我不能告诉您她现在住在哪里，我们不再住在马勒特了。你的 J·德北
At first, Clare decided to wait for further information from Tess's mother, but then he re-read the letter sent on to him in Brazil, written from Flintcomb-Ash:
起先，克莱尔决定等着从苔丝母亲那里获得进一步的消息。可是之后他又重读了那封写于弗林特库姆地区、他在巴西时收到的信：
I live only for you. Don't think I shall be bitter because you left me. I am so lonely without you, my darling!
我只是为你才活着，不要以为你离我而去，我会怨恨什么。亲爱的，没有你，我是多么孤寂啊!
Haven't you ever felt one little bit of your love for me at the dairy? I am the same woman you fell in love with then, the very same. As soon as I met you, the past was dead for me…
难道你没有感觉到过一丝一毫你在牛奶场时对我的爱吗? 我没变，我还是你以前爱上的那个女人，一点也没变。当初，我一见到你，过去的事情对我就都消亡了……
He was so touched he felt he must go immediately to find her, however angry she and her family might be with him. While he was packing, the letter from Izz and Marian arrived and made him hurry even more.
他被深深地触动了，他觉得自己必须立刻去找到她，不管她和她的家人可能会对他有多气愤。他正收拾东西时，又收到了伊茨和玛丽安的信，这让他心情更为迫切了。
His search for Tess took him first to Flintcomb-Ash, where he discovered she had never used her married name.
他寻找苔丝的第一步是到了弗林特库姆地区。在那儿，他发现她从来都没用过她婚后的名字。
He began to realize, too, what hardship she had suffered rather than ask his family for money.
他同时也意识到，不管她遭受多么艰难的处境，她都不愿向他的家人要钱。
Next, he traveled to Marlott but found the Durbeyfield cottage occupied by others.
接下来他又辗转到马勒特，可是他发现德北家的房舍住着别人。
As he left the village he passed the field where he had first seen Tess at the dance.
当他离开村子时，他经过了他第一次在舞会上见到苔丝的地方。
He could not bear to see it, because Tess was not there. In the churchyard, he saw a new headstone, on which was written:
他不忍再看下去，因为苔丝不在那儿了。在教堂墓地，他看到一块新墓碑，上面写着：
In memory of John Durbeyfield, rightly d'Urberville, of the once-powerful family of that name, and direct descendant of Sir Pagan d'Urberville. Died March 10th, 18-
纪念约翰·德北，恰当地说，是德伯，这个姓氏的家族曾经非常强大，他是培根·德伯先生的直系后裔，死于3月10日，18时。
A gravedigger noticed Clare looking at it, and called to him, 'Ah sir, that man didn't want to be buried here, but in his ancestors' tombs at Kingsbere.'
一个掘墓人注意到克莱尔正盯着墓碑看，便对他喊道：“啊，先生，那个人可不想埋在这儿。他想葬在王陴那边他祖先们的坟墓里。”
'So why wasn't he buried there?'
“那么，为什么不把他葬到那儿去?”
'No money. In fact, sir, even this headstone has not been paid for.'
“没有钱呀。实际上，就连这块墓碑的钱还没付呢。”
Clare went immediately to pay the bill for the stone and set out towards Shaston, where he found Mrs. Durbeyfield and her children living in a small house. She seemed embarrassed to see him.
克莱尔马上掏钱付了墓碑的账，又动身朝夏斯顿去了。在那儿，他发现德北夫人和她的孩子们住在一间狭小的房子里。看到他，她显得有些局促不安。
'I'm Tess's husband,' he said awkwardly. 'I want to see her at once. You were going to write and tell me where she is. Is she well?'
“我是苔丝的丈夫，”他窘迫地说道，“我想立刻见到她，您本来是要写信告诉我她在哪里的。她还好吗?”
'I don't know, sir, but you ought to.'
“我不知道。可是，先生，您应该知道呀。”
'You're right. I ought to know that about my own wife. Where is she?'
“您说得对，我应该知道我自己妻子的情况，她在哪儿?”
Mrs. Durbeyfield would not reply.
德北夫人不愿回答。
'Do you think Tess would want me to try and find her?'
“您认为苔丝愿意让我努力找到她吗?”
'I don't think she would.'
“我认为她不会。”
He was turning away, and then he thought of Tess's letter: If you would come, I could die in your arms! I live only for you…I am so lonely without you, my darling! He turned back.
他转身欲走，这时，他想起了苔丝的信：“如果你来，我就可以在你怀里安息了!我只是为了你才活着……亲爱的，没有你，我是多么孤寂啊!”他又转回身来。
'I'm sure she would!' he said passionately. 'I know her better than you do!'
“我确信她会的!”他充满热情地说道： “我比您更了解她!”
'I expect you do, sir, for I have never really known her.'
“我希望您是对的，先生，因为我从来没有真正了解过她。”
'Please, Mrs. Durbeyfield, please tell me where she is! Please be kind to a miserable lonely man!'
“请您，德北夫人，请您告诉我她在哪儿!请您对一个可怜又孤独的男人仁慈一点吧!”
There was a pause after this cry from the heart. Finally, Tess's mother replied in a low voice, 'She is at Sandbourne.'
他从心里发出了这声呼唤，此后，是片刻的沉默。苔丝的母亲终于低声地回答道：“她在桑德伯恩。”
'Thank you,' he said, relieved. 'Do you need anything?'
“谢谢您，”他说道，并感到宽慰了些，“有任何需要吗?”
'No, thank you, sir,' said Joan Durbeyfield. 'We are well provided for.'
“不用了，谢谢您，先生。”琼·德北说，“我们被供养得很好。”
Clare took the train to Sandbourne. On his arrival at eleven o'clock in the evening, he took a room in a hotel and walked around the streets, in the hope of meeting Tess. But it was too late to ask anybody.
克莱尔搭乘了一班火车赶往桑德伯恩。在晚上11点到达之后，他在旅馆里订了个房间，之后就到街上四处逛，抱着能碰到苔丝的希望。可是已经太晚了，连个可问的人都没有。
It seemed a strange place to Clare. It was a bright, fashionable holiday town, with parks, flowerbeds, and amusements.
对于克莱尔，这是个陌生的地方。它是个光鲜、时新的度假城镇，有公园、花圃和各种娱乐休闲设施。
This new town, a product of modern civilization, had grown up near the ancient EgdonWoods, where the paths over the hills had not changed for a thousand years.
这个新城镇，作为现代文明的产物，在古老的埃格登森林附近渐渐发展了起来，而那里山峦上的小径千年来都不曾改变过。
He walked up and down the wide streets, trying to admire the modern buildings. He felt confused.
他在宽阔的街道上走来走去，极力想去欣赏这些现代的建筑。他觉得思想很混乱。
The sea murmured, and he thought it was the trees. The trees murmured, and he thought it was the sea.
大海的瀑瀑细语被他听成是树木的声音;而树叶的沙沙作响又被认作是大海的声音。
He could not understand what had brought Tess here. This was a town for relaxation, for pleasure, not for a working girl like Tess.
他不能理解是什么把苔丝带到了这里。这是一个休闲、消遣的城镇，不适合像苔丝这样要干活儿的姑娘。
There were no cows to milk here, and no vegetables to dig. He looked at the lights in the bedroom windows and wondered which one was hers.
这儿没有奶牛可以挤，也没有蔬菜可以挖。他透过卧室的窗子看着万家灯火，急于想知道哪一盏是属于她的。
Before going to bed he re-read Tess's passionate letter. He could not sleep that night. At the post office next morning they knew nothing of the names of Clare or Durbeyfield.
上床之前，他又读了苔丝那封热情洋溢的来信。那一晚，他辗转难眠。第二天早晨，他来到了邮电局，可是他们不知道有叫克莱尔或德北的人。
'But there is the name of d'Urberville at Mrs. Brooks,' said the postman.
“可是在布鲁克斯夫人那儿住着个叫德伯的，”邮递员说道。
'That's it!' cried Clare, pleased to think she had taken her ancestors' name, as he had suggested.
“就是它了!”克莱尔叫道，他很高兴，认为苔丝采纳了他的建议，使用了她祖先的姓氏。
He made his way quickly to Mrs. Brooks' house, following the postman's directions.
顺着邮递员指引的方向，他急忙奔向布鲁克斯夫人的房子。
It was a large, impressive house, and he wondered if he should go to the back door, as Tess was probably a servant here. But he rang at the front. Mrs. Brooks herself appeared.
这是一座宽敞、奢华得令人惊叹的房子，他怀疑他是否应该走后门，因为苔丝也许在这儿做用人。可是，他在前门按响了铃，布鲁克斯夫人亲自开门来了。
'Is Teresa d'Urberville here?' he asked.
“苔莉莎·德伯住在这儿吗?”他问。
'Mrs d'Urberville?'
“德伯太太吗?”
'Yes.' He felt pleased that she was known there as a married woman. 'Please tell her that a relation wants to see her. Say it's Angel.'
“是的。”他感到很高兴，因为苔丝是以已婚妇女的身份住在这里的。“请转告她有一个亲戚想要见她，就说是安吉尔。”
'Mr. Angel?'
“安吉尔先生吗?”
'No, just Angel. She'll know.'
“不，就是安吉尔，她会明白的。”
Angel waited in the sitting room, his heart beating painfully.
安吉尔在起居室里等候，他的心在痛苦地跳动着。
'Whatever will she think of me?' he thought. 'I look so different, so much older!' He was still weak after his illness. He could hardly stand, and held on to the back of a chair, as she entered the room.
“她对我到底会有什么看法呢?”他在想，“我看起来完全不同了，老了这么多!”病后他的身子还很虚弱。当她走进房间时，他几乎无法站立，紧紧地抓着椅子的靠背。
He was not prepared for what he saw. Tess was wearing fashionable clothes and looked even more beautiful than he remembered.
对他所见的情景，他没有心理准备，苔丝穿着时髦簇新的衣服，看起来比他记忆中的她更为楚楚动人。
He had held out his arms, but they fell to his side because she stood still in the doorway. He thought she could not bear his changed appearance.
他伸出双臂，可又垂落下来，因为她木然不动地站在门口。他心想，她不能接受他改变了的模样。
'Tess!' he whispered. His voice was low and breaking with emotion. 'Can you forgive me for going away? Can't you…come to me? Why are you… so beautiful?'
“苔丝!”他轻轻叫道。他的嗓音低沉，因情绪激动而断断续续。“你能宽恕我离你出走吗?难道你……不能向我走过来吗?为什么你……如此漂亮?”
'It is too late,' she said, her voice hard and her eyes shining unnaturally.
“太晚了，”她说。她声音有些刺耳，眼睛的光芒也是躲躲闪闪的。
'I didn't see you as you really were! Please forgive me, Tessy!' he begged. 'Too late, too late!' she said, waving her hand impatiently.
“我过去没有看出你真正的本质，请你宽恕我，苔丝!”他请求道。
'Don't come close, Angel! Keep away!'
“太晚了，太晚了!”她焦躁地挥着手，说道，“别靠近我，安吉尔！站开!”
'But is it that you don't love me, my dear wife, because I've been ill? I've come to find you. My parents will welcome you! I've told them everything!'
“可是，我的好妻子，是因为我生了病，你就不爱我了吗?我是来找你的，我的父母也会欢迎你!我把一切都告诉他们了!”
'Yes, yes! But it is too late.' Every moment seemed like an hour to her. She felt as if she was in a dream, trying to escape, but unable to.
“是的，是的! 可是，太晚了。”每一秒钟对她都像一个小时那样难捱，她觉得自己如同在梦中，想要逃，却不能。
'Don't you know what has happened? I waited and waited for you. But you didn't come! And I wrote to you, and you didn't come!
“你还不知道发生了什么事吗?我把你等了又等。可你没有来!后来我给你写了信，你还是没有来!
He kept on saying, you would never come back again, and he was very kind to my family after father's death. He…'
他老是说，你永远不会再回来了，父亲去世后，他待我们家非常好，他……”
'I don't understand.'
“我听不懂。”
'He has won me back to him.'
“他重又把我拉过去了。”
Clare stared at her. He saw her fashionable clothes. He saw her relaxed, well-fed body. He saw her white, delicate hands. At last, he understood and fell into a chair, as if hit on the head.
克莱尔盯着她看。他看到了她时新的衣服，他看到了她松弛的、保养得很好的身子，他看到她白皙娇嫩的双手。终于，他领会了她的意思，一下子瘫倒在椅子上，像是被人在头上击了一下。
She continued, 'He is upstairs. I hate him now, because he told me a lie, that you would never return, and you have returned! Will you go away now, Angel, please, and never come back?'
她继续说着：“他在楼上。我现在恨他，因为他向我撒了谎，说你再也不会回来了，可你却已经回来了! 安吉尔，现在请你走开吧，永远别再回来，好吗?”
They looked at each other without joy and without hope, desperately wanting to be sheltered from reality.
他们面面相觑，没有欢乐也没有希望，只是竭力地希望躲避这严酷的现实。
'It's my fault! said Clare. But talking did not help. The Tess he had first loved had separated her body from her soul.
“这是我的错呀!”克莱尔说。对是这已经无济于事了。他最初爱过的苔丝已把她的身躯从她的灵魂中分离开了，
Her soul remained and would remain faithful to him forever. But what happened to her body no longer interested her after he had rejected it.
她的灵魂保持着，而且将永远保持着对他的忠诚。可是在遭受他的拒绝之后，她已不再关心她的身躯所要承受的一切了。
After a few moments of confused reflection, he realized Tess had left the room. His mind was in a fog. He felt very cold and very ill. Somehow he found himself in the street, walking, although he did not know where.
一阵胡思乱想之后，他发现苔丝已经离开了。他的心被迷茫的大雾笼罩着。他觉得很冷，极其不舒服。不知不觉中，他来到了街上，走着，尽管他并不知道要走向何处。
Mrs. Brooks was not usually curious about her guests. She was too interested in the money they paid her, to ask many questions.
布鲁克斯夫人平常不太爱管客人们的闲事。她太关心他们付给她的钱了，顾不上问许多问题。
However, Angel Clare's visit to her wealthy guests, Mr and Mrs d'Urberville, as she knew them, was unusual enough to interest her.
然而，安吉尔·克莱尔对德伯先生和太太的拜访——据她所知，他们可是非常富有的客人——有些太不寻常，引起了她的兴趣。
She could hear parts of the conversation between the two lost souls, and when Tess went back upstairs, Mrs. Brooks crept quietly up to listen outside the bedroom door.
她能断断续续地听到一点儿这两个失魂落魄的人之间的谈话。当苔丝返回到楼上时，布鲁克斯夫人也蹑手蹑脚地摸上来，偷偷地在卧室门外听着。
She heard Tess sobbing, and through the keyhole could see her half lying over the breakfast table.
她听到苔丝啜泣的声音，贴着钥匙洞眼，她看到她半瘫在早餐桌上。
'And then my dear husband came home to me…And it's too late! Because you persuaded me, you with your fine words as you did when you seduced me!
“后来，我那亲爱的丈夫回家找我来了……可是，太晚了!因为你用你的花言巧语劝诱我!就像你诱奸我时做的那样!
You told me he would never come back! But he did! And you helped my family—that's how you persuaded me so cleverly.
你对我说，他将永远不回来了!可是，他回来了!你帮助我的家人——你聪明地利用这个劝诱我，
But when I believed you and came to live with you, he came back! And now I've lost him a second time, and this time forever!
可是当我相信了你，来和你一起生活时，他回来了!现在我又一次失去了他，这次是永远失去他了!
He will hate me now!' She turned her tear-stained face and Mrs. Brooks could see how she was suffering.
他现在会恨我的!”她转过那张泪痕满面的脸，布鲁克斯夫人能够明白她正遭受多么大的痛苦。
'And he's dying, he looks as if he's dying! It will be my fault if he dies! You have destroyed my life and his! I can't bear it, I can't!' The man spoke sharply, and after that there was silence.
“他命不长了，他看上去是命不长了!如果他死了，那是我的罪过!你毁了我的一生，也毁了他的!我受不了啦!我受不了啦!”那个男人尖声说了句什么，之后，一阵沉寂。
《苔丝》是英国文学巨匠托马斯·哈代最负盛名的长篇代表作，也是“威塞克斯系列”中的一部。苔丝出生于一个贫穷的农民家庭，她纯洁、美丽，是古老爵士世家的后裔。在父母的安排下，不谙世事的苔丝为了全家的生计去“攀亲”，不料却被纨绔的“堂兄”亚雷克·德伯维尔诱奸。倔强的苔丝不愿作亚雷克的情妇回到了家中，但回村后她渐渐受到全村人的非议，生下的孩子不久也夭折了，悲伤的苔丝选择离开家乡，去一个陌生的牛奶厂做女工。在这里，她遇上了毕生的挚爱克莱尔。克莱尔像一束温暖的阳光照亮了她年轻的生命，但苔丝又因过往而自卑，痛苦不堪。后来在新婚之夜，苔丝终于鼓起勇气向克莱尔坦白了一切，却由此陷入无尽的黑暗之中……
